I hope no one knows the contents of this post, so if anyone managed to decipher it, please keep it to yourself and don't let me or anyone else know about it. I thank you for respecting that.

You always ask me, who is the girl that I like, what's her name, etc. I always never tell you and I'm feeling guilty about it because you always told me about him. But how can I put it across to you, when the she I'm referring to, is actually you? For more than 4 years, I've always liked you. Okay maybe during my attachment period, I was kinda attracted to another girl, but it's just a crush, and the reason why I could get over it so quickly, mainly it's because of you. To be honest, when I had a crush on that girl, I thought that I could get over you, but I realised I couldn't...

But then, you liked this guy. When I first heard it from you, I was feeling down, very down.. And everytime you talked to me about him, on the surface, it may all seems normal, but actually deep down inside me, I feel damn pissed, or worse still, fucked up, just wishing that you would stop talking or even mention him in front of me. You once said, you are contented already if he makes an effort to text you everyday. You know that's how I feel towards you? But what's the use? You just treat me as a friend, or at most, a good buddy. You know these two terms coming from you hurts me deeply? And I seriously don't believe it. For 4 years, we're still FRIENDS. I kept telling myself, it's impossible that you've got no feeling for me, but as hurting as the truth can be, I could only concede to it.

Well, if you managed to read this, I believed that I've answered all the questions you've asked me. Don't let me know that you've read about this, because I'm afraid if I do, I will not be able to control my emotions once again and let that incident that happened 2 1/2 years ago, happen again. For now, I can only be what you want me to be, your good buddy, and lend a listening ear when you've got something to say/complain/whine/whatever, be it schoolwork or HIM. I know I'm a dumb and stupid person, and you might even say that I'm childish/immature, but I just wanna let you know, I'll not give u up, at least for now....